Title: Letters of…
Chapter: …Recovery, Pt 1Healing (5/27), …Recovery, Pt 2 Salvation (6/27), …Recovery, Pt 3 Understanding (7/27)
Rating: PG, PG, PG
Feedback: Mys has decided that she actually likes FB, so… constructive crit is fine, just be prepared for Mys to defend/explain her choices, and try not to do any permanent damage, k.
Disclaimer: Just playing with the pretty kittens. Unfortunately, they are not mine, but I will gladly groom and bathe them before sending them back home to Daddy (aka Joss/Mutant Enemy/et al).
Warnings/Squicks: Beware Mys’ bad writing, excessive use of alliteration, wanton use of the term "Xanpet" (though I’d stake Spike before he actually said it out loud, he and my 3rd person omnipotent think it a lot), character death (but it’s canon stuff, none of my own doing)
Summary: Take a witch, a Spike, a Xander and mix well. Add some angst, some schmoop, some sex, an apocalypse, a wee bit more angst, another helping or two of sex, and a sprinkling of bad humour. Bake for 7-8 months at @96.8 degrees (because some of us have naturally lower body temperatures than the rest of you human weirdos, lol).
Pt 1 Healing (5/27)
Fuck it and fuck Angel. *Eww, didn’t need that image.* Spike needed help and he was going to get it. He checked and re-checked that he had everything, silently praying to whoever was listening that he could do this.
“Hey Spike? You down here buddy?”
Whether or not this worked he had to get Spike out of here. It couldn’t be good for his sanity- what little he had left.
“Come on Bloodbreath, I know you’re here. I brought you some blood, even sprung for the good stuff… Damn-it Spike we need to talk!”
Xander turned toward the voice, trying to make out where his vamp was ensconced. “About these,” as he tossed the bundle towards the voice.
He watched with satisfaction as the bundle was plucked from the air exposing the vamp’s hiding place.
“Where’d you get these?”
Sitting down in front of Spike, or at least Spike’s voice, “You know where- the crypt, behind the bed. There’s another one- letter I mean. She said I should read it to you.”
“She did, did she? Well, you’d better read it then.”
“Um, she said I had to make sure you were focused on it.”
“Bloody hell.” Suddenly Xander found himself face to face with a very unhealthy looking vampire. “Better?”
“Jesus, Spike, you look like shit.”
“Wasn’t expecting company.”
He smiled wryly, “Good thing I was,” and handed him a coffee thermos. “Here, drink, before it congeals.”
Spike gingerly took the thermos, sniffing the warm liquid before setting it aside. “Thanks.”
“Spike, you have to eat.”
“Well, no. You could sit here in the dark wallowing and brooding acting like fucking Deadboy while you slowly starve to death and leave the people who care about you to wonder why you abandoned them and what more they could have done.” The young man paused for a breath, “Did I mention the part about turning into Angel?”
Reluctantly, Spike picked up the flask and drank. *Bloody Whelp would have to play the Angel card.* “Happy?”
“No, but it’s a start. Now drink up so I can read this to you.”
Once he got the vampire to start drinking it was no time at all before the thermos was emptied.
“More?” Another flask materialized from Xander’s bag.
Spike eyed him warily, but took the proffered container.
“What? I didn’t know when you’d eaten last and despite popular opinion I’d rather not be vamp food.”
Spike merely nodded and started on the new bottle. When it was drained, he looked pointedly at Xander. “So, you gonna read me the letter or what.”
Xander reverently took the letter from his pocket, unfolded it, and making sure he did indeed have Spike’s attention he began to read.
William, I need you to listen, love. Listen to Alexander, concentrate on his voice, hear the words and hear me in them. William, you need to fight; fight for me; fight for who you truly are.
Many years ago I met a beautiful intelligent miraculous young man. A man who had no idea of his strength and power. I gave my life for him- to him- for I could see the man he would become. I saw the blood he would spill, the sorrow he would cause, the heartache he would bare, the daemons he would vanquish, and the love he had to give. I saw the truth of him.
I have seen much in my three-hundred years. I watched as my family, everyone I had known and loved, and generations of their descendents died. I have seen wars fought over nothing and everything. I have seen those touted as great and noble succumb to greed and power. I’m no saint, William, for I have seen myself traverse these roads. Yet unlike most I had the will and the time to turn back.
For over half my life I had searched for someone worthy of my knowledge and of my aide. Someone who needed me, someone who had the heart to see all their faults to face the pain and to survive it. I found that someone in a quiet young Englishman; now you must find me.
It is time, love.
I love you, William. I always will.
Pt 2 Salvation (6/27)
Xander finished the letter looking up to meet Spike’s ice blue gaze. There was a flash of green and suddenly he found a collapsed, shaking, semi-conscious vampire in his arms.
As Xander read the final lines, Spike swore his eyes glowed green and the words he’d heard echoing through him over a hundred years before echoed through him once again. Alyssa’s and Xander’s voices intermingled, merging his past, present, and future, drowning out the voices of his past until only Alyssa remained.
*“That’s better, isn’t it, love.”*
“Spike? Spike what’s wrong? Come on Blondie, talk to me.”
His words were quiet and broken. “Go away… you’re not really here…”
*“William, I’ve always been here; I’m a part of you- you know that.”*
“Fat chance Bloodbreath, I’m not leaving you like this, okay.”
*“You cannot continue this way, it will destroy you. I can help if you wish.”*
“Good. What can I do?” As he waited for a response he began to absently stroke Spike’s touselled hair. It seemed to calm the vamp some as his shaking slowly subsided.
“The voices- make them stop…”
*“You must decide who you are first, my sweet- then I can help you control the voices.”*
*Voices? That’s what Alyssa had said in her letter- “too many voices.”* Xander studied the man in his arms, he seemed so fragile, tormented, and innocent. He actually looked like the Spike he knew was under the Big Bad persona and that thought both comforted him and terrified him. “Gods, Spike, what happened to you?” The question was asked in barely a whisper to no one in particular.
A deep sob wracked Spike‘s small form, “…I don’t know who I am…”
*“Listen to your heart, William.”*
Xander held Spike to him and gaped. He thought about the letters, where they had come from, what they said, and he knew. He understood why she’d chosen him and what he was meant to do.
“Spike, I know you can hear me, so just listen.” His voice was soft and airy and full of warmth as he spoke. “You are a demon with the heart of a poet. You believe in love and honour and loyalty. When you care about someone or something, they are all that matter- you love totally, even when you shouldn’t. You’re protective to a fault and only slightly less possesive. You are a beautiful enigma, a puzzle. You don’t want to let anyone see the real you, so you play the Big Bad to keep them away- you’ve been hurt too much by those you have let in. That’s the Spike I know, the Spike I care about, the one I came here today to find. It’s the Spike I missed, and I want back.” Without thinking Xander gently kissed Spike’s forehead. “Come back to me.”
*“…is that what he really sees?”*
*“You heard his words love.”*
*“Can I… am I that?”*
*“That’s a question only you can answer.”*
*“Help me be that… and more, better. Please?”*
*“You have decided then?”*
*“Then sleep, my love, and I shall do what I can.”*
“Thank you.” A cold tear trickled from closed eyes as a blissfully quiet sleep took him.
Xander continued threading his fingers through Spike’s soft platinum curls thinking over what he’d just said. He’d meant it, all that and then some. He just wanted his vamp back. And there he was calling him ‘his vamp’ again. What was it with him and demons? If things ever calmed down enough (yeah right) maybe he’d talk to Giles about it. Until then he’d cope. Cope with his demon lustage and cope with the fact that this particular demon was pining over Buffy. But for now he had his vamp in his arms and he was going to treasure that feeling as long as it lasted.
Pt 3 Understanding (7/27)
He felt warm, and saner than he had in a long time- even with the faint green burning behind his closed eyelids.
*“Ah William, you’re awake. We need to talk, sweet one. I cannot take the voices away, they are with you always, but I can and have quieted them.”*
*“Figured- they’re my past and things I must accept- don’t have to like it, but I won’t deny them, I can’t.”*
*“This is why I chose you, William, your strength and honour. Never forget, William.”*
*“I‘m always with you, love, whenever you need me I‘ll be here. Take care of you and yours.”*
Spike contentedly snuggled into the warmth surrounding him, only vaguely acknowledging that it was Xander and managing to wonder why he had stayed with him. He really needed to think now that he could. Much of what Xander had said was true- he could be honest enough with himself about that, but how had the Whelp known? Spike knew how obtuse the Witch liked to be, so he doubted she had told him. Gods, could that mean he really paid that much attention, to suss it himself? Well, she had said that he cared more than the others.
Even if she hadn’t mentioned it, Spike couldn’t ignore that it was Xander who came for him, fed him, stayed with him, made him feel loved- more loved than he ever had with Buffy. *Where the bloody hell had that come from?* Maybe he wasn’t up for thinking after all.
“Stop thinking so much Blondie, you’re giving me a headache.”
“Your fault for noticing, pet.”
One look in Spike’s eyes and Xander was doing an internal Snoopy Dance from hell- his vamp was back! “Ah, now that’s more like the Spike I know.” *…and love.*
Spike offered up one of his 1000 watt smirks, “Thanks.”
“Welcome, just don’t let it get around; people might start thinking I don’t hate you.”
*Too late, Pet.* Spike was caught up in Xander’s smile- gods, it was amazing, made you want to forget everything and just be. Damn he hadn’t realized how much he missed that smile.
“Hey, you’re thinking again.”
“Surprised you recognized it.”
“Yeah, well, I missed you, too.” There was a brief silence, not exactly awkward, but definitely pregnant, before Xander spit out, “It’s still dark. What’s say we get you out of here?”
“Exactly where’d ya have in mind, luv?”
“Well, we could chase Clem outta the crypt, or take you to Buffy’s- though I’m not sure she’d appreciate it considering- or the Magic Box, or you could come back to my place. Your call.”
“Yeah, I’m sure your demon-girl would love that.”
“Anya’s gone, Spike, off being all vengency somewhere.”
Spike quirked an eyebrow at that. “Seeing as I’d rather not get staked anytime soon, sounds like your place.”